Below is the 15th submission to the Community Forum for Survivors submitted anonymously on 10/24/2018. We appreciate the trust this survivor, and all survivors, place in us by sharing their stories. Note: MCRCC does not allow comments on blog posts.

Survivor’s gender identity: Male

The survivor’s age at the time sexual violence was perpetrated against them: 5,15,21

The survivor's age now: 40

Survivor's Name: Eric

The survivor’s description of sexual violence perpetrated against them:

"I was molested by an older boy when I was 5 years old. He was about 3-4 years older than me. No one ever had a discussion with me about “good touch bad touch” as a child. Despite that I knew it was wrong and I was scared. I froze and did not know what to do. I did not know how to tell my mother. I never disclosed what happened to me publicly until a few weeks ago. To this day I can’t help but wonder what that boy must have endured himself to cause him to act out that way.

When I was 15 years old, I consumed alcohol at a friend’s house with a bunch of other friends. There was a girl there my age that liked me. I was not attracted to her and gave her no indication that I was interested in her. Later that evening I passed out outside and awoke to her sexually assaulting me without my consent. When I awoke, I immediately turned into that 5 year old boy......and froze. I just let it happen.

Lastly, when I was 21 years old, I went to a bar with a bunch of friends. The female spouse of one of my friends kept touching me inappropriately throughout the evening. I kept shifting and moving to different parts of the bar to get away from her. I did not know how to tell her to stop (verbally). I did not want to make a scene. I was married at the time and I did not know how to tell my wife, or my friend that his wife was touching me. More importantly, I turned into that 5 year old boy yet again.

My hope is that by sharing my story people will understand that sexual violence involves both genders as survivors and offenders."

If you or someone you care about has been sexually assaulted and is looking for resources or support, MCRCC provides a confidential helpline available 24/7 at (831) 375-4357. We support survivors today and always.