Below is the 14th submission to the Community Forum for Survivors submitted anonymously on 10/10/2018. We appreciate the trust this survivor, and all survivors, place in us by sharing their stories. Note: MCRCC does not allow comments on blog posts.

Survivor’s gender identity: Female

The survivor’s age at the time sexual violence was perpetrated against them: 27

The survivor's age now: 33

The survivor’s description of sexual violence perpetrated against them:

"My roommates and I were hosting a party at our house. It was a fun night with a lot of friends and friends of friends. I ended up feeling too drunk and awful to party, and went to lie down early, and fell right to sleep in my bed. I don't know how much time passed before someone came in from the adjacent bathroom, and climbed into bed on top of me. He was an acquaintance who I'd met a few times and flirted with, but I wasn't interested in him. I remember feeling too out of it to speak, but I might've said something; I remember thinking I was wearing a complicated outfit held together by a pin, and maybe he wouldn't be able to figure out how to undo the pin. But my clothes came off, he raped me while I was barely conscious in my own bed, and he left. I felt ashamed about being so messed up I couldn't fight back—I, after all, had had too much to drink, I'd gone for a run just before the party and hadn't eaten much dinner, I'd smoked some pot—but I knew, despite sometimes being in the "gray area" with men that this clearly and obviously crosses the line. It was not in the gray area. But still, I felt that my own behavior that night was not something to be proud of, so I mostly avoided talking about it. When I did, I was reluctant to use the word "rape," and I still am. I never even told one of my housemates. I decided to go to the police the next day, after gathering my thoughts and talking to some friends. The first question the officer asked me was, "why did it take you so long to report this?" The police did investigate, but I understood from the outset that it would be a difficult case to prove with no witnesses, just he said-she said. I had to turn over my blankets and some clothing as evidence. I went to the hospital to take a rape kit exam because I thought it might help, and maybe they would learn there had been a date-rape drug involved. But I knew going into it there would be no viable case; he did not deny that there was sexual intercourse, but he denied that it was consensual."

If you or someone you care about has been sexually assaulted and is looking for resources or support, MCRCC provides a confidential helpline available 24/7 at (831) 375-4357. We support survivors today and always.